edit of journal #6
March 9, 2007
original=206 words
edited version=157 words
If this picture doesn’t make you go out and buy this protein bar then what will? We spoke in class how self-image was important to advertisers, well having a hot girl displayed to guys is definitely a great selling pitch. The text says “I got what you want”, this teases a guy and makes him think he can buy this bar, and get this girl. I find it funny that the bar is positioned right on the woman’s backside, suggesting something sexual.Self-image is important because if we don’t feel good about ourselves and how we look then we won’t be able to achieve what we want in life. Guys always want to look good infront of girls and vice versa. It’s a shame that a lot of our time is spent on our physical appearance. If an unnattractive woman was placed in this advertisment, I woudn’t even look at it let alone buy the protein bar.
how did you like the excercise? Is this post better that the original?
I actually thought the editing helped alot. The piece is alot smoother and it helped me remove alot of the nonsense that was included which was not needed.